Tuesday, October 11, 2011

Top 6 Songs Named After Girls

This little scene in Family Guy made me think about all the songs written about chicks, and how awesome they are. Aside from the 31 listed in this clip, I thought of about 15 more. I really, really tried to chisel them down to five, but in the end I had to make it six. Just couldn't decide which one to cut. Which is surprising, really, because the first one I am going to name just so happens to be by...


Not really sure why/how I can like this song. Let's be honest, MCR suck balls, but I just like some of their songs. The catchy ones. And I suppose I can never get away from the fact that Gerard Way looks like one of my mates, on whom I used to have a rather sizeable crush. That shit's hard to escape.

But the song itself is passable, as it's catchy, it's got some hooks, and the guitarist is not terrible. He's NOT TERRIBLE, is all I'm saying.


Rubber Soul was the first Beatles album I bought, and that was only about a year ago. I may get some hate from this, but I used to loathe The Beatles. Reeeeally hated them. But then I met Karl, a mate of mine who worships them, was thrown into his world and came out the other side with a new respect for those Liverpoolian bastards.

This song is particularly sweet for me because my second language is French. You know how I feel about lyrics that confess love so powerfully, and in this song the love is so strong it's in another language. That shit's deep, brah.


I know I should probably have the original one here, but I like this version better. Jack White sings this song with more power than Dolly Parton ever could have, it's more emotional, it's more raw, and he sings like it hurts. Everything he contributed to this cover made it better.

I'm not really a fan of The White Stripes otherwise. I have always angrily dismissed them as living proof that you don't need talent to be famous, but that was more aimed at Meg than Jack. That bitch can hit a snare a hundred times and call it a beat, but I don't know how the rest of us can call her a musician. Laaaaaazy.


Okay, it's another cover, but WHATEVER.

CCR reminds me of my parents. And The Big Lebowski. But mostly my parents. There were many family holidays in the car when I was younger, and there was usually a set playlist, dictated by my mum and dad's cassette collection. Usual suspects were John Williamson, The Commitments soundtrack, and Creedence.

"Suzie Q" is one of my favourites by CCR, mostly for the bluesy guitar mixed with the gruff Fogerty vocals. Despite its repetition, which I usually find annoying (lack of imagination, come on guys), it's interesting to the end with the solos and the general awesomeness that music should always provide.


I love this song mostly for its subject matter. Clapton was good friends with George Harrison back in the day, and unwittingly fell in love with his wife, Pattie Boyd. This song was his plea for her to not dismiss him, despite the difficulty of them being together. Well, ultimately it paid off and they got married after her divorce. But before that happened, Clapton was just a man on drugs and in love. And they're both pretty much the same thing.


This version of the Them original was interspersed with one of Patti Smith's poems, "Oath", opening with the memorable line, "Jesus died for somebody's sins, but not mine." It was created one day when Smith was reading the poem to her guitarist and friend Lenny. He picked up the guitar and started playing "Gloria" in time with it.

The song retains most of the original, but adds a punk edge with her spoken word and anarchist themes. Smith's voice also gives the whole song new meaning (not just from the new lyrics). In comparison to Van Morrison's original, where he simply says the words in sprechgesang with his gruff, gravelly voice, Smith's version is feminine and emotional, but keeps a rock sound by pairing it with hard music and edge. A simply unforgettable song.

Sunday, October 9, 2011

Top 5 Songs of the Zombie Apocalypse

Pick your weapon, mode of transport and soundtrack for the zombie apocalypse. I like this debate, because when you know what someone wants to sing while brutally killing someone, then you truly find out what kind of person they are.


Weapon: Machine gun
Mode of Transport: Jeep

This song needs to be played while driving really fast through a mass of zombies, firing madly into the crowd while trying to escape. Get the adrenaline pumping, y'know?

I think that's all Rob Zombie is for. Not the slaying zombies, but the pumping adrenaline thing. I mean, I can't think of a single time that I put on Rob Zombie because I wanted to listen to it, but because I was going out or doing something that required me to get pumped in a certain way. Like, pre-gig kinda thing. You know what I mean. His music is very Stage Challenge, don't you think?


Weapon: Grenades
Mode of Transport: None

This song is kind of the end-of-the-battle, giving up song that plays for the guy who stays behind as bait, then explodes himself rather than submitting himself to an afterlife of brain-feasting.

I like the sombre tone of Cash's American albums. They're miserable and full of regret, and his voice sings pain so well. I know that doesn't make the songs sound too appealing, but they fit together so well that his songs are despondently beautiful.


Weapon: Desert Eagle
Mode of Transport: Motorcycle

I know I could only pull off the DEagle/Motorcycle look if this song were playing and if I were perhaps 4 - 5 times sexier. But my god, it's what I'm aspiring for. Riding through the desert, pulling off at abandoned gas stations looking for supplies, killing zombies and acting like such a badass that the survivors I run into know not to ask me to stay with them. I'm a lone wolf. Outlaw. Milla Jovovich.

But yeah, Danzig are cool. Even though they spawned from the same mind that spawned the Misfits (such a shitty band IMO), I am willing to overlook that fact because I can embrace the idea of a musician "growing". If Danzig was Glenn Danzig in his adulthood, the Misfits were him in his adolescence, when he was stealing his parents' ciggies and getting in trouble at school for trying to give his mate a tattoo with a compass.


Weapon AND Mode of Transport: MO'FUCKIN TANK

Man, that shit would just be awesome. Ridin' a tank through zombies with Zeppelin cranking through the speakers. Do tanks have speakers? This tank would have fucking speakers. The only thing that would beat it would be having some Wagner playing.


Weapon: Machete
Mode of Transport: My own two feet. Or a horse, if possible.

Yeah, so, I'm gonna run head first into those bitches with my machete and slice at their necks while screaming at the top of my lungs, "KILL WITH POWER!! DIE, DIE!!" I can't really imagine a better way to go. 'Cos yeah, if I'm left on my feet, I'm just gonna die. I'm not swift.

I always forget how much I love this album until I put it on. I claim Gods of War or Louder than Hell to be my favourite Manowar albums (yes, I love Manowar, what of it?), but Hail to England is pretty genius as well. "Army of the Immortals" would be a good zombie song too... hmmm...